Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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