After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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