how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
