whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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