he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
