I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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