So drunk its hurt
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
