Its about making memories worth repressing
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
