I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize