JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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