you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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