I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
