I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
