why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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