the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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