Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
