I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
