I accidentally had phone sex last night
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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