Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You made out with two different species that night
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
