I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
