I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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