I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
