2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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