Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
