I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
