White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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