maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
