Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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