Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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