The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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