how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize