So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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