i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize