no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
