so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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