Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
