My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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