I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
