tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
