Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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