Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
