I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
