Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bring me that man meat
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
