she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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