And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
