Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
