11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
