I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
