so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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