I just saw a hot homeless man
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
