no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
