Pappa wants mamma naked
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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