He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I look better un-naked...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
