bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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