I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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