she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize