Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
be right there i have to get my cape
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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