So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
