She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
