the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
