I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize