i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
