this just has baby written all over it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
