You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
