Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
