your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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