it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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