Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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