Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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