Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
