That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
