what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
birth control should be required to get into college
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
